Meeting Women When You’re Drunk
Back when I was at uni, I always seemed to have the most luck with women when I was pissed.
At least I thought I had the most luck. The truth was that my approach anxiety was so bad I never actually approached women unless I had a couple of beers in me – it was no wonder that I thought I needed to be drunk to get anywhere.
Now this article isn’t to say that drinking is a bad thing per se. There are advantages to meeting women drunk, and all through my younger years I wondered why anyone would try it otherwise. Alcohol does reduce approach anxiety, there’s no doubt about it: after a few drinks I’d become less self-conscious, more relaxed, more extrovert, more funny, and more spontaneous.
The Problems with Drinking
Okay, I made a few bad calls, had to burn a few phone numbers and had to make some lame excuses about why I didn’t want to go on that date after all with my tutor. And the girl I had my eye on would sometimes not be quite as impressed with me as I was with myself.
As the years went on, and the drinking binges began to be as harmful to my liver as to my bank account, I realized that something needed to change. I wanted to continue to meet women, but I knew that drinking every night was unsustainable.
So I set myself the task of getting all the benefits of being drunk – the confidence, the extroversion, the spontaneity – without actually having to drink.
After a good ponder, I came up with the following five things that I now do on every night out in place of drinking. Try giving them a go one trip to a bar and stick to soft drinks – you may find you crack your approach anxiety sooner than you think, and have one of your best ever nights out.
5 Ways to Feel Drunk Without Drinking
1. Be passionate. I know this isn’t an easy thing do when you’re sober, but on a night out try to avoid “going through the motions”. Be animated: tell stories that you like, make big arm gestures, put yourself on the table (not literally, well, only on special occasions) and let people make connections with you.
2. Move around a lot. Don’t be that guy moping all night at the bar waiting for a woman to ask you for a light as if you were in a Bond film. Mingling is the name of the game. If you want to get technical about it, I’d say don’t stay in any one place for more than half an hour; move from the bar to the table to the dance floor to the smoking area. If you really can’t think of where to go next, make your way to the loo and find someone interesting to talk to on your way back.
3. Approach women. If you really want to affect your brain chemistry, nothing can touch the thrill of approaching a woman. Even if the approach ends with some slightly awkward conversation, just putting yourself out there gets the blood pumping, and makes it far easier to do it again.
4. Go to the right places. Nothing is more likely to crush your approach anxiety than the right vibe in a pub or bar. Pick places that make you happy, where you feel at home, comfortable, confident, or where the music picks up your spirits. Half the buzz of knocking back a few drinks is that feeling where everyone’s your mate and everyone’s on the same side. With the right venue, you can recreate this vibe without needing to drink.
5. Don’t get stuck in boring conversations. If you were drunk, what are the chances you’d stick around to hear what your mate’s boss said at work the other day? None, right? You’d head back to the bar, or go and have a dance, or elbow him in the ribs and ask what he thought of that brunette with the red dress. Its not being sober that brings you down, it’s the inhibitions about being rude, or forward, or fun. Don’t let them. Change the topic, cut the conversation or go find someone else to talk to.
There you have it. All the things you do when you’re drunk that make a night out more fun and more successful, but without the booze. All the good stuff, minus the slurring and the twenty quid rounds of drinks. Plus a whole new approach to going out at night, and maybe even during the day too.