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This series of articles on approaching women looks at different scenarios I’ve faced when starting conversations with attractive women and how I’ve dealt with each one. Each article will talk you through the scenario, the approach itself and what happened next. Finally I’ll explain what I could have done better.
Unlike other companies, we don’t make up approaches to make us sound more experienced. And we certainly won’t polish the results to make us sound better; what you read here is exactly what happened and I’ll be perfectly honest when I mess things up.
No man can get every woman he approaches, and to claim to be able to is marketing nonsense of the highest order. Anyway, you’ll probably learn more from my approaches that go badly than you will from my success stories.
The Scenario
Ever wondered if a single wrong word can ruin an entire approach? Read on…
Last Friday night I was settling down to my Mad Men box set when my housemate called and said he fancied a pint. I hadn’t been out of the house other than to work and to go for a run that week, so I thought it might be a decent excuse to get out and approach some women.
I couldn’t be bothered to get changed, so I headed out in tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie to meet him in a pub just round the corner from our house. It was one of those places frequented by twenty- and thirty-something professionals, where the boys all wear tight jeans, the girls all have some kind of accessory (more on that later) and everyone smokes.
It was a sociable environment, with quite a few cute girls out and with people chatting to each other. Having said that, it wasn’t the sort place where you would approach directly, because the atmosphere was low key. The key was to get into some easy conversations and see what happened.
The Approach
There was one girl at the bar wearing a hat who I liked the look of. I was standing next to her getting a drink myself, so the approach was nice and easy to begin with:
Doug: Hi there. How are you?
Girl: Hello.
Doug: How’s your night going?
Girl: It’s ok thanks. Quite crowded in here…
Doug: Outside is really nice.
Girl: Right.
Doug: Yes, I’m more of an outside person. It’s a bit cramped in here for me.
Girl: What is it you don’t like, misery guts?
Doug: The proximity of people. That and listening to their inane patter.
Girl: Ha ha ok.
Well we’re not exactly setting the world on fire, but it’s going ok so far. I have built a bit of rapport with her by sharing our dislike of the crowds. And I have shown her that I’m not too agreeable; she has played along by flirtatiously calling me a misery guts.
What Happened Next
Now everything started to go wrong. I thought I would turn up the cockiness and get some proper banter going. Remember she’s just asked me what it is I don’t like about the bar:
Doug: There is also this girl with a silly hat talking to me.
Girl: {punches me} Shut up. You can’t talk – you’re wearing a tracksuit and a hoodie!
Doug: Well it is a very try-hard hat
Girl: What do you mean “try-hard”?
Doug: You know… like you’re trying too hard to be cool.
Needless to say she took huge exception to this comment. It was the worst reaction I have received in over ten years of approaching women.
She went mental. She accused me of being humourless. She shouted. She demanded an explanation. All I could do to avoid a scene was to apologise. When she continued to attack, I was forced to tell her to go away.
What I Did Wrong
Sometimes you say something and you know instantly it’s a terrible thing to say. This was one of those moments.
Now before I go any further, I must point out that her extreme reaction undoubtedly says more about her than me. Most girls will never react that way; she was either in a bad mood about something or had a major hang up about her style.
Having said all that, you open yourself up to things going badly wrong when you make provocative comments the way I did.
The conversation had a nice simple vibe going and I took it too far. My harsh comment about her hat was ill-advised. I was trying to be too clever and too cute, when all I really needed to do was be nice.
Most guys think they need to be clever when they are out talking to girls. Once you have her attention you can afford to be nice; just be nice and don’t take unnecessary risks.
