Image courtesy of McKenna 77
How many times have you sat on a date wondering if the girl likes you or not?
Ever wondered just how easy dating would be if you could read a girl’s mind?
Ever thought just how easy those first date conversation topics would be if you knew exactly what she was thinking?
The title of this post is a hint – it’s a lot easier than you think!
How Do I know If She Likes Me?
Today I want to share with you a little excerpt from a recent coaching session that will help you out here. A client (let’s call him Charlie) and I got talking about a recent date he’d been on and he started by asking me how he could tell if a girl liked him:
Alex: So how did your date go?
Charlie: It was ok I guess. We got on fairly well and I think we both had a pretty good time.
Alex: But…
Charlie: I have the same problem every date I go on. It’s driving me absolutely mad!
Alex: What’s the problem?
Charlie: I just sit there and have no idea if the girl likes me or not.
Alex: Ok. Why is that such a big problem?
Charlie: If I knew she liked me, I’d feel much more confident about becoming more intimate with her. I find I have no problem making the conversation sexual or starting to touch her once I know she likes me.
Alex: I can see that.
Charlie: But I don’t want to try it on with her if she doesn’t like me.
Alex: Do you think the girl from the other night liked you?
Charlie: That’s it – I have NO idea! I just sat there making small talk trying to decide if I should reach out and take her hand.
Alex: It sounds like you’re getting very frustrated.
Charlie: To be honest I really am. I can’t help thinking that I’m letting opportunities go by. But I can’t seem to make myself take things further until I know for sure. I’m just fed up with the whole dating process…
Charlie’s situation is not at all unusual, but it’s rare that a guy feels this frustrated or pessimistic about things.
How To Tell If She Likes You – For Sure
I was mulling over teaching Charlie some techniques for gauging her interest. There are things that girls do when they’re interested (giggle nervously, look for opportunities to touch you, accuse you of being a player) and I’ve had some success in the past getting clients to look out for them.
But then it hit me. This guy didn’t need any techniques; he needed to stop treating dating women as some arcane game to be learned and mastered. He needed to see the big picture. He needed to get over himself:
Alex: So there’s this one thing that’s making you feel really frustrated, is ruining dates and is making you think about throwing in the towel on the whole thing.
Charlie: Yes. Totally.
Alex: And this thing is that you don’t know if the girl likes you?
Charlie: Yes.
Alex: And you can’t see a way round it?
Charlie: No.
Alex: Just ask her.
Charlie: What?
Alex: If you want to know if she likes you, just ask her.
Charlie: Well obviously I couldn’t do that!
Alex: Why not?
Charlie: Well wouldn’t it be weird? And awkward?
Alex: I don’t know. Probably.
Charlie: Won’t she think less of me for having to ask and not being able to tell?
Alex: Sure – there’s every chance of that.
Charlie: Well there you go then. And she might say no. And it can’t be the best thing to do. I might screw things up.
Alex: So?
Charlie: What do you mean?
Alex: So what if you screw things up?
Charlie: I don’t know what to say…
Alex: You’ve already said your dates aren’t going well. You’ve already said you’re fed up with the whole business. What harm can it do if you screw up your next date?
Charlie: Do you really think it would be the best thing to do?
Alex: Not really. It’s probably not the best strategy. But you’re saying this issue is driving you mad. If it bothers you that much, just ask her.
Charlie: Can I really just ask her?
Alex: Of course you can. At least try it before you give up on going on dates. What’s the worst that can happen? She says no? At least you’ve found out.
Charlie: I guess so. And she could always say yes!
Alex: Either way, you’ll have overcome your biggest dating issue in a single sentence.
We soon moved on to other topics, but the conversation stayed in my mind for days afterwards.
You Have Power. You Have Control
This post isn’t about asking the girl you’re on a date with if she likes you or not (although it sounds like fun and I’m definitely going to try it next time I’m out with a girl).
This post isn’t about asking the girl you’re on a date with whatever it is you’re worried or confused about (although it’s certainly something I’d advise if something is really bothering you and you’re brave enough to get into a really authentic conversation).
And it isn’t even about taking risks with a girls (although a big part of success with girls is being prepared to screw things up in order to move an interaction forward).
I wrote this post to show you something very simple: just when you feel that things are out of your control, you often have all the control in the world.
Poor Charlie was tempted to give up approaching and dating girls because he could never work out if they liked him. All he had to do was ask! Sure it might not be the correct strategic move, and it’s not one I’d recommend to everyone – but who cares! It was a big enough problem for him to seek professional advice, and he hadn’t even give the simplest solution a try!
Charlie was treating dating women as if it were some complex, knotty, intractable problem. He had lost sight of the fact that he was a man, free to say whatever he wanted, free to deal with his demons in whatever way suited him. He didn’t need to get permission, or approval, or advice. He just needed to listen to himself, and recognise that the answer was staring him in the face.
The Answer is in the Question
So every time you find yourself struggling to know what to do, make sure the answer isn’t right in front of you. It might not “work” but at least you won’t agonise over it:
Question: How do I tell a girl that I like her?
Answer: Tell her you like her.
Question: How do I approach a girl in the day who I think is beautiful.
Answer: Go up to her during the day and tell her she’s beautiful.
Question: What should I do if I run out of things to say on a date with a girl.
Answer: Tell her you’ve run out of things to say.
Question: How do I approach a girl if I’m worried if I’m interrupting something important?
Answer: Ask her if you’re interrupting something important.
Question: How do I find out if a girl has a boyfriend?
Answer: Ask her if she’s got a boyfriend.
Hey some of them won’t win any style points from the PUAs, but at least you’ll be getting on with it. And, most importantly, you’ll have taken control over your life – far more important than any success with women you go onto have.
