Dating Advice for Women – How to be More Positive

Dating advice for women

Image courtesy of Allie Hylton

We hope that most of the articles on this site will be of interest to both men and women. But we thought it would be handy to create a category exclusively for our female readers. In these articles you can find all our dating advice for women with everything from how to approach guys, how to touch a guy, how to know if a guy wants to kiss you and how to ensure that you get a second date (and beyond).

Dating Advice for Women – How to be More Positive

Feeling positive is everything. Feeling positive makes you happy and it makes you more attractive to men.

But my just saying “feel positive” is useless. It’s as useless as my saying “be yourself”, “don’t worry about it” or “just get over him”. If you don’t already feel positive, you can’t just decide to feel positive. Can you?

Well actually you can. And you go about it by shifting not the way you feel, but the way you think and the way you speak. You go about it by shifting from hate to love.

From Hate to Love

Now before you think I’ve gone all soft and sentimental, I don’t mean this in an existential, flowers-and-rainbows-and-world-peace way.

I simply mean that you can shift the way you express yourself, away from what you hate and onto what you love. This is actually much easier than it sounds because, for everything you hate, there must be an opposite thing you love.

What got me thinking about this was something that happened the other day on the tube. I had my iPod on random and I got a string of tunes in a row that I didn’t like. I muttered to myself that I hate it when I get a few bad songs in a row.

Straight away I realised that this sort of comment was unhelpful. I decided to flip it around and see if I could focus on the opposite. So I realised that another way to express it is that I love it when a good song comes on.

That’s the same thing as hating it when a bad song comes on. Exactly the same thing. But thinking about what I love makes me feel good. Thinking about what I hate makes me feel frustrated and anxious.

Examples of More Positive Thinking

Every time you feel yourself about to say you hate something, instead say that you love the opposite. Let’s see how many we can think of using the same context of a tube journey

Hate – I hate it when the tubes are delayed.
Love – I love it when the tubes run smoothly.

Hate – I hate it when I get a string of bad tunes.
Love – I love it when a good song comes on.

Hate – I hate it when the train is just leaving when I get to the platform.
Love – I love it when the train is just pulling in when I get to the platform.

Hate – I hate it when there’s nowhere to sit.
Love – I love it when there’s a seat free on the tube.

Being More Positive in Conversation

You can use the same technique when you’re talking to other people. Always force yourself to look at the positives.

Imagine someone pays you a compliment. In fact, let me give you an example from my own life. I keep my flat really clean and tidy. For some reason (perhaps because I’m a man) people are often surprised that there are no piles of dirty laundry on the floor or old coffee cups by the side of my bed.

People often say: “Wow, your flat’s so clean”. At this point I can react from a position of hate, or a position of love:

Hate – Yeah I hate clutter. It makes me feel really stressed and I can’t concentrate on anything. I hate that feeling of walking back into your flat after a hard day’s work and seeing all the mess.

Love – Yeah I love my room to be clean and tidy. It makes me feel so peaceful. I love that feeling when you tidy your flat from end to end and sink down into your favourite chair with the newspaper.

The Benefits of Loving

Moving from love to hate isn’t about becoming naïve or becoming blind to the real world. You’re not trying to pretend that trains always run on time, or that you never have to stand up on the tube. It’s simply about shifting your focus on the same event from the positive to the negative.

So give it a go. You’ll know it’s working because you’ll start smiling more, worrying less about annoyances and feeling more positive towards other people. I can really think of no better thing to go out and start doing right now.

Interested in online dating? Check out our fully-personalised online dating profile re-write service. We'll help you write a really compelling profile, choose the best pictures, eliminate spelling and grammar mistakes and ensure you stand out from the crowd.