Image courtesy of Allie Hylton
We hope that most of the articles on this site will be of interest to both men and women. But we thought it would be handy to create a category exclusively for our female readers. In these articles you can find all our dating advice for women with everything from how to approach guys, how to touch a guy, how to know if a guy wants to kiss you and how to ensure that you get a second date (and beyond).
Dating Advice for Women – How to Touch Guys
At the end of last week’s post on how to flirt with guys I explained that the best way to get a guy’s attention and encourage him to flirt with you is to touch him.
Most of the traditional “flirting techniques”, like fluttering your eyelashes and making seductive eye contact, are too subtle to be noticed by a guy in a bar. Touching is the most effective way to get him to like you and let him you know you like him.
In this article I’ll explain the best ways to touch him to get your point across. My seven rules of touching will ensure you get the maximum flirtatious power from your touches with the minimal risk of rejection.
The 7 Rules Of Touching
1. Touch early. If you are attracted to a man, and he makes you feel comfortable, then start touching him straight away! The longer you leave it to touch him, the more awkward it can become. Touch him as soon as you start speaking – touch his arm to get his attention or maybe touch his hand to stress an early compliment.
2. Touch often. Touch him frequently throughout the conversation. If you only touch him when you step up the flirting, it can put pressure on the moment. Touch him to show you agree with him and touch him for emphasis. Touch makes people feel relaxed and builds rapport, so use it liberally.
3. Don’t look where you touch. If you look at the spot that you’re touching (if you look at his hand while you hold it, for example) the touch feels more serious and charged with meaning. Touches are much more relaxed and casual if you don’t look where you’re touching. So touch his arm while looking in his eye. Or take his hand while pointing out something across the room.
4. Touch everyone – be a touchy person. Don’t just touch men you fancy. Touch everyone: men you don’t fancy, friends, relatives, puppies, babies. Touchy people are comfortable with touch because they do it all the time. If you don’t touch anyone until the moment a cute guy is in front of you, both of you will feel uncomfortable.
5. Touch as part of movement. If you stand stock-still and then suddenly reach out to him, the touch will feel awkward and forced for both of you. Use your natural movement to justify the touch: gesture while telling a story and touch his arm; walk up to him at the bar and touch his shoulder as you get to him; touch him as you stand up and ask him if he’d like another drink.
6. Don’t touch for long. In the early stages of flirting, don’t allow your touches to linger. Briefly touch his arm to get his attention. Take his hand for a few seconds and then let go to pick up your drink. Long touches can become awkward if you’re not intimate with someone, and they risk him moving away from the touch. A few seconds is more than enough in the early stages.
7. Find excuses to touch. Rather than just reaching out and grabbing him for no reason, contrive a reason to touch him. Brush his arm to get his attention. Touch his shoulder as you excuse yourself for brushing past him. Offer your hand to lead him to the dance floor. Take his wrist to “look at his watch”.
Where and How to Touch Him
When you touch men while flirting, you’ve got to make sure it’s neither too blokey nor too sexual. Let me explain the two possible mistakes you can make if you touch him in the wrong way.
Mistake 1 – Too blokey. Don’t touch him as another guy would touch him. When one guy shows affection for his mate, he slaps him on the back or throws his arm round his shoulder. To really get a guy’s attention, you’ve got to touch him in a different way. Touch him softly; don’t hit him or shove him. And touch him in areas his mate wouldn’t – touch his hand or his chest or the back of his neck.
Mistake 2 – Too sexual. Although you don’t want to be too blokey in the way you touch him, you also don’t want to go too far the other way and be too sexual. If you’re unsure, just avoid any area higher than his knee and lower than his stomach. If he doesn’t fancy you, he doesn’t want you touching him there. And even if he does fancy you, a touch there can be shock if you’re not expecting it.
There’s simply no need to risk a touch anywhere intimate – if you know what you’re doing, you can express everything you need to with a brush of your two hands.
5 Great Places to Touch a Man
1. The hand. Guys don’t touch each others’ hands, so this is a nice “safe” way to touch him in a very feminine way: lay your hand on top of his to emphasise an important point; take his hand as you lead him to the bar or to a table; contrive an excuse to touch his hand like checking out his watch or “see who has bigger hands”; give him a high-five or play thumb-war.
2. The back of the neck. This is a bit more risky, but having a girl touch you here feels amazing and he’ll be left in no doubt that you like him. Just be gentle!
3. The chest. Touching a man’s chest is highly flirtatious. You can (gently) push him away from you if he says something cheeky. Or you can rub his chest while admiring his muscles if you’re feeling particularly coquettish.
4. The knee. If you’re sitting next to or opposite each other, reaching out and placing your hand on his knee is a risk-free way of getting his attention and introducing some touch into the interaction.
5. The forearm. Another “safe” place to touch him. It’s not going to set his world alight, but it’s an easy place to touch in the early stages of a conversation. A nice excuse if to hold your own arm out next to his and “compare your suntans”. Cheesy but it works!
