Image courtesy of Bina Sveda
There’s a girl sitting across from you on the tube, reading The Economist, or Racers Digest, or Tolstoy, and she’s hot.
You have at least one tube stop to figure out what to say and, if you’re lucky, one more to make the approach.
But you don’t. None of the PUA openers you’ve read seem appropriate. While you’re still trying to come up with the perfect line, she gets off the train. And it feels horrible.
You start to wonder: could she have ended up being the best girlfriend in the history of girlfriends?
Did you just miss out on endless Saturday mornings doing the crossword over tea and orange juice with her?
Maybe you missed out on meeting a new friend. Or maybe she’d have politely said no, but you’d have spent the rest of the day feeling great about having the balls to actually do it.
But I Don’t Know What to Say…
So the next time you see a girl you like, instead of spending the next week hoping to run into her on the tube again, keep things simple and just open your mouth. And if you don’t know what to say, say it.
If your mind goes blank, say “hello” and see what happens. Or say EXACTLY what’s in your head, even if it’s, “I think you’re really gorgeous but I have no idea what to say to you”.
In the end, if you DON’T know what to say, there are really only two options. The first is that you say nothing and she gets off the train and that’s that. The second is that you just say the first thing that comes into your head.
Anything > Nothing
You MUST become that guy who chooses option two. Here’s why:
1. Even the “worst” conversation starter gives you a chance. Not saying anything to her guarantees that you won’t get in a conversation. No conversation equals no number; no number equals no date; no date equals… well I’m sure you can figure it out. Even if your “opener” is rubbish, it’s infinitely better than nothing.
This is why PUA openers were such a great idea for a lot of guys. They were a bit cheesy, but they at least got guys out of the house and approaching women. For most girls, if they like the look of you they’re going to give you the time of day, whatever you say.
2. No one knows what to say. You don’t know this girl. You don’t know if she’s single or married. You don’t know if she loves random conversations with strangers or hates them. You don’t know if she likes bad boys or good guys. You have absolutely no idea what she wants to hear or what will get a good response.
And don’t think you can figure this stuff out from the way she looks. I’ve approached girls who’ve looked busy, irritable and bitchy and found them incredibly friendly. And I’ve done approaches that I’ve been sure were going to be “easy”, only to be knocked back within seconds.
So in the absence of any information, don’t stress about what to say – you’re not going to get any closer to the right thing anyway. Just take a chance and say whatever you feel like.
3. She’s not listening anyway. Approaching girls is stressful. We are concentrating, hyper-aware of our surroundings and intensely focussed on what we’re saying and how she’s reacting.
For the girl, it’s the opposite. She has no idea she’s about to be approached. She’s got her head in her book, or in Angry Birds or in the tune on her iPod. She’s in her own world and she’s not expecting you to start chatting her up.
This means that she’s probably won’t even hear the first few lines of your opener anyway. It will take her those first few seconds to realise what’s going on and shift herself into sociable, being-chatted-up-mode. So there’s very little point worrying about what to say. As with most things, it’s actually what you say next (once you’re in the conversation) that matters.
Make a Promise Right Now
Now I know it sounds so simple on paper! I know it’s a very different story when you’re out there in the real world and you feel nervous and your head’s spinning.
But it really is as simple as opening your mouth and making some words come out. Even if it’s to say hello, ask her about her book, ask about the e-mail she’s reading on her phone or to ask what stop she is getting off at. It doesn’t matter.
You can even go online and find some PUA openers. Just don’t let another pretty girl get off another train without giving yourself a shot first.
