The Essential Guide to PUA Openers 2/2

Brunette model

Image courtesy of Rene Asmussen

In yesterday’s article I gave you a quick overview of PUA openers. I explained the differences between direct openers and indirect openers, and I ran through the problems with both styles.

I also explained that I no longer teach my clients in terms of “direct” or “indirect” openers. I don’t think it’s a helpful distinction to make and I don’t think either approach is optimal: direct openers often run out of steam and indirect openers can develop into time-wasting conversations with no sexual element.

Not Direct. Not Indirect. Both!

The truth is that direct and indirect openers both fulfil different requirements of any approach. Any time you approach a woman, you’re going to need to express an interest in her at some point (direct), and you’re going to need to have other stuff to talk to her about (indirect).

The ideal approach has components of both the direct opener and the indirect opener. You should never think simply of opening “directly” or “indirectly”. Your approach will be, at different stages, both direct and indirect – it’s simply a case of what order you do the stages in.

So I’m going to give you a couple of examples of good ways to approach women. Although I’ve said I no longer use the terms “direct” and “indirect” with my clients, I’ll continue to do so in this article for the sake of consistency.

Option 1 – Direct/Indirect

For this type of PUA opener, you’re going to start with the direct portion (the compliment). Then you’re going to shift to the indirect conversation piece:

You: Hey!
Girl: Hello.
You: I saw you from over the other side of the bar and I wanted to tell you that you’re absolutely gorgeous.
Girl: Oh thanks!
You: You have a really great style – kind of punky but also cute.
Girl: Ha ha I guess so…
You: So anyway, while you’re here, let me get your opinion on something.
Girl: Ok sure.
You: All it is…

I love the direct/indirect style of approaching women. I much prefer to get the direct aspect out if the way at the beginning because I find it more efficient: if the girl isn’t interested she’ll often cut you off before you even get to the indirect section.

For some of you, this may feel harsh, but the truth is that if you’re going to get rejected, it’s going to happen at some stage anyway. Would you rather it were after you’ve invested thirty seconds or half an hour?

The problem with the standard direct opener (running out of steam after the compliment) isn’t a concern here, because the direct/indirect model has some fun and engaging conversation ready to go. Instead of using it at the very start (indirect opener) you drop it in just as the energy from the compliment is beginning to wane. For what it’s worth, I use almost exclusively direct/indirect openers now to approach women.

Option 2 – Indirect/Direct

The indirect/direct opener looks a lot like a standard indirect opener, except that you express your interest in the girl as quickly as you can after the indirect conversation has finished. Here’s how it could look:

You: Hey you look like you’re into music – let me get your opinion on something.
Girl: Um – ok!
You: I’m out tonight with my friends {gesturing towards them} and we were talking about starting a band.
Girl: Right…
You: But we couldn’t agree on who should be what.
Girl: What are you on about?
You: Well obviously I said I should be the lead singer…
Girl: {smiling} Oh right. And why’s that?
You: Well I’m pretty much the alpha male of the group. You know, the natural leader.
Girl: Is that so?
You: Yeah. And I’ve got rock and roll hair.
Girl: Hmm not so sure about that.
You: Anyway {gesturing to Captain and another lad} what do you reckon – Captain here has got to be the moody drummer right?
Girl: Ha ha actually I reckon he’d be the lead guitarist.
You: You know what, you really are very cute. I think I’m going to chat you up for a bit…

When indirect/direct openers work, they work really nicely. They make the girl feel like your attraction to her has blossomed out of the conversation, rather than something you’ve just tacked onto the start of your approach.

Indirect/direct openers also mitigate against those long rambling conversations that standard opinion openers can sometime lead to: the girl doesn’t fancy you but she’s enjoying herself enough to stand there and chat. At least by showing your interest after a few minutes, you get to the point (you fancy her and want to take her home or get her number) without having wasted too much time.

My only issue with indirect/direct is that the transition from a general chat to a compliment can feel a little awkward. If the girl feels like you’ve been waiting to compliment her (and that the chat at the beginning has just been filler) it will feel uncomfortable to her. To overcome this, really try to make the compliment seem spontaneous; you could even interrupt her with a compliment as if it has just occurred to you.

Option 3 – Indirect/Direct With Justification

Some guys like the idea of indirect/direct, but feel it’s a little manipulative to wait for a few minutes to compliment the girl (after all, it was her looks that prompted him to approach, not the desire to have a conversation).

If that’s the case for you, then follow the basic indirect/direct template but be ultra-honest when you come to deliver the compliment. We’ll jump in to the indirect/direct script half-way in:

Girl: Hmm not so sure about that.
You: Anyway {gesturing to Captain and another lad} what do you reckon – Captain here has got to be the moody drummer right?
Girl: Ha ha actually I reckon he’d be the lead guitarist.
You: You know what, I actually don’t want to form a band. I just thought you looked really nice and I wanted to come and chat to you but I couldn’t think of how to approach you. Thanks for the support though…

This is a really nice compromise. You get the benefits of starting indirectly because you get a few minutes of banter under your belt before you have to commit to the compliment. You get the benefit of the direct compliment: the girl now knows you fancy her and will give you some credit for just coming out with it. And you avoid the awkwardness of complimenting her out of nowhere by bringing the situation out into the light.

This sort of thing works really well in bars and clubs and it’s possible to have a really good laugh with the girl if you get it right. If you’ve never tried it, give it a go.

Conclusion – Find Your Own Style

I hope over the last couple of articles I’ve shown that thinking strictly in terms of “direct” and “indirect” is unhelpful. Every time you approach a woman, you will need to combine aspects of direct AND indirect; it’s just a matter of order.

So play around with a few different PUA openers and see what style suits you. As I say, I use direct/indirect all the time now, although I’ve seen Doug get amazing results with indirect/direct. Whatever you decide, it must fit your personality and it must feel genuine to you and the girl you’re approaching. Either way, best of luck with all your approaches and check out our coaching courses if you feel like you need a bit more help.

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