This article is one of a series of First Date Tips that will ensure that your first dates go smoothly whatever you decide you do. Today- a great question to ask a girl during a first date.
I know that asking questions is very out of favour at the moment. I know that most communication coaches, “PUA” coaches and charisma coaches say that you should speak in statements in order to build attraction. And they’re broadly right.
Sometimes, though, we need to ask questions. Sometimes the girl’s patience runs thin with your constant assumptions and guesses. Sometime you just want to find out about her and only a question will do.
Bad First Date Questions
With that said, there are definitely good questions and bad questions. Bad questions include: What do you do? What are you up to? How’s work? Have you had a good week? What have you got planned for the weekend?
She’s heard all these questions before; you don’t really care about the answer; they aren’t interesting for her to construct an answer to and they often lead to small-talk conversations where you get stuck on factual, surface-level topics.
Let me give you an example of a question that I find really helpful. It’s best used about ten minutes into meeting someone. Much earlier and it can seem a little rapport-seeking. Any later and it loses its conversational punch.
Why do Your Friends Like You?
This is a really nice question to be asked. It makes us think about our friends and our good qualities. It allows us to bring up our good points without seeming too arrogant (after all, we’re just saying why our friends like us). It evokes all sorts of positive feelings.
All these positive feelings the girl will associate with you when you ask her. What’s more, it’s not a question that she’s used to hearing, so it’s likely to jolt her out of the usual getting-to-know-you pattern that she has in her head.
If you want to be really crafty, make sure you listen carefully to her answers and feed them back into the remainder of the conversation. Let me explain. Let’s say she says that her friends like her because she’s loyal. If, later in the conversation, she tells a story or does something which demonstrates loyalty, make sure you praise her for it:
I like that about you- you’re clearly someone who really sticks up for her friends. That’s something I really value myself.
Now don’t worry that this will sound contrived. The fallacy of illusory superiority is so strong that your flattery will be accepted without any suspicion. You see, when she answers your original question she won’t actually be telling you why her friends like her. She’ll be telling you what she thinks her own best qualities are.
Other good questions, along similar lines, are: What would you like it to say on your gravestone? How do you think you’ll be remembered in two hundred years? How would your best mate describe you to me?