Welcome to the Just Tell Her project. Here you can follow our experiences and adventures as we approach 1000 women in London during 2012 and tell them – very simply – that we like them. No games, no tricks, no chat up lines. We see a girl we like and we Just Tell Her – and see what happens.
We run a coaching company which helps men to improve their confidence with women; over the past few years we have come to believe that being genuine, authentic and honest is the best way to meet women and have great relationships.
Instead of just telling people that this stuff works, we want to demonstrate what actually happens when you take our advice. So we’re going to take it ourselves. The road will not be smooth; there will be many highs and lows, but we hope that by seeing what happens on our journey you’ll be inspired to give this a go for yourself.
A Great JTH Day
I had a great day on the Just Tell Her project yesterday. I met six or seven girls who I thought were really cool and I made plans to see four of them again. I met:
1. An articulate, good-looking Russian art seller
2. A sophisticated lawyer from Cambridge
3. A really fun, kooky painter with a studio in Soho
4. A super attractive German girl who was working in London for a few months
I also met Alex’s dream girl, a design student from Chelsea with long wavy brown hair and the biggest eyes I’d ever seen. He was kicking himself that it was me who saw her first (and I was shortly afterward kicking myself that she had a boyfriend!).
What Pleased Me Most
But what I’m most pleased about yesterday wasn’t that I approached eighteen girls. It wasn’t that I had a dozen really good conversations. It was even that I got the phone numbers of four really cool girls.
What pleased me most about yesterday was a moment that happened at about 2:30 on Oxford Street. At the time I was really tired and p****d off. I was completely fed up with talking to strangers and all I wanted to do was go and put my feet up with Alex and have a cup of tea.
Unfortunately, I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t take a break until I approached another girl.
It would have been so tempting to have given up, but I know now that sometimes you’ve just got to push your comfort zone. So I forced myself to approach a pretty girl who looked like she was in a massive rush; I didn’t get a great reaction, but it allowed me to enjoy my cup of tea feeling like I’d achieved something. Within an hour of finishing my tea, I’d met all four girls I told you about at the start of the article.
You’re Not Really in Control
We keep telling clients on our coaching courses (and Alex keeps drilling it into me whenever I feel like giving up) that the most important thing is doing. Any number of things can happen when you approach a girl and there’s only so much you can control.
Alex came up with a nice analogy. He said going up to a girl and telling her you like her is like turning over a card from a pack. Sometimes you turn over an ace (get a great reaction). Sometimes you turn over a two (get a bad reaction). Often it’s somewhere in between.
Now you can work on yourself to change the composition of your pack. You can get a good haircut, buy some cool clothes, practise your conversation skills, take a coaching course. This will mean your pack starts to have more kings and aces and fewer twos and threes.
But these are all things you do away from the approach itself. When you approach the girl, the outcome is in the lap of the gods – there are just too many things you can’t control which affect the outcome more than what you do or what you say (is she single, does she fancy you, is she busy, is she confident…)
How I Motivated Myself
Now all this sounds very convincing on the page, but the truth is that it’s very hard to get your head around when you’re out there approaching strangers. Intellectually, I knew that the first two girls I talked to (who were dismissive and cold) were just two unlucky cards off the pack. But I still felt rubbish about doing any more.
The only way I managed to get through it was to just tell myself I had to do it and then I could go and chill out with Alex over a green tea. This sort of mind “hack” isn’t really a sustainable solution (you can’t do it every time you want to approach a girl) but it can be useful to get you moving if you get a bit stuck.
So I put my head down and kept going. I was so pleased with myself because without battling through the discomfort I wouldn’t have met the cool girls I did.
I hope you can gain some inspiration from this. It is tough out there but that’s why it is worth doing!