Welcome to the Just Tell Her project. Here you can follow our experiences and adventures as we approach 1000 women in London during 2012 and tell them – very simply – that we like them. No games, no tricks, no chat up lines. We see a girl we like and we Just Tell Her – and see what happens.
We run a coaching company which helps men to improve their confidence with women; over the past few years we have come to believe that being genuine, authentic and honest is the best way to meet women and have great relationships.
Instead of just telling people that this stuff works, we want to demonstrate what actually happens when you take our advice. So we’re going to take it ourselves. The road will not be smooth; there will be many highs and lows, but we hope that by seeing what happens on our journey you’ll be inspired to give this a go for yourself.
What It Feels Like to Just Tell Her
Yesterday I went up to a girl and told her she was pretty. Nothing much came of it: she smiled, thanked me, we chatted for a minute or two and then said our goodbyes (she was engaged).
I knew I was due to write a blog post about what it feels like to Just Tell Her, so I examined my emotions straight afterwards. Strangely, I didn’t feel disappointed (that nothing had come of our conversation); I didn’t feel elated (that I had done something brave and emerged unscathed); I didn’t feel relieved, or confident, or nonplussed.
I felt RELAXED. The overwhelming sensation in my body was one of relaxed contentment. I felt like I could just curl up and go to sleep there and then. I felt a slow lazy smile on my face. I felt my spine slightly unknot and my neck begin to loosen and my shoulders drop. I felt the way I do after a hard run, a hot shower and a cold beer.
It occurred to me that this is how I always feel after a JTH. I feel a great peace come over me. And I think I know why.
Lying is Stressful
Possibly after reading too many serial killer novels, I found myself on Wikipedia the other day researching lie detectors. I learned that lie detectors don’t actually detect lies – they detect stress. They simply measure physiological metrics like the sweatiness of your hands, your heart rate, your blood pressure.
Then it’s up to the technicians to infer the truth of what you’re saying. You see, lying is stressful. Unless they’re psychopaths, when people lie they exhibit symptoms of stress.
I’m convinced that this is at the heart of why men often find approaching women stressful. I think all this stuff about fear of rejection is overplayed. I think it’s often more to do with feeling like you’re saying something, or being someone, which isn’t true to you.
Telling the Truth is Relaxing
Let’s flip this around, and we’re hopefully getting to the heart of why the Just Tell Her Project makes me feel relaxed. If telling lies is stressful, telling the truth must be relaxing. Telling the truth makes me feel relaxed: it makes me feel like I’ve got nothing to hide, like nothing can hurt me, like no one can make fun of me.
And although it sounds strange to write it out like this, it makes me feel powerful and manly. We all spend most of our lives thinking things, and then not saying them. Actually telling a girl that she’s pretty (rather than just thinking it and letting her walk away) makes me feel in control of my life, like there’s nothing I can’t do.
So here’s another reason to Just Tell Her. Not because it’s “effective” (even though it is), or because it “gets results” (even though it does). But for the simple fact that it’s good for you. Telling a girl that you like her is actually good for you. Give it a go and tell us what happens and how you felt.