All the online dating tips for men that I read focus on either writing the perfect online dating first message, or crafting a compelling online dating profile.
There is never enough attention given to what to do when you actually get the girl you met online dating out for a drink.
If you don’t sharpen up your real-life dating skills, you risk turning online dating into a dating-themed computer game: all messages and pictures and winks and likes and jokes.
So today I have an online dating tip for men that has nothing to do with what to do, what to say or where to go.
Today’s post is all about how you look.
How to Make Sure You Get a Good Haircut
I want to tell you a story about one of my great friends. Hendry is a hot shot lawyer and I don’t get to see him all that often. But we managed to squeeze in a pot of tea at Yumchaa at the weekend.
He was telling me how he always goes to the same hairdresser in the city. He usually goes during the week, wearing his £2k Hugo Boss suit and £200 leather shoes, carrying his briefcase, looking like a superstar. He gets treated like royalty: the girl at the door takes his coat, calls him sir, shows him to his chair.
And he gets a great haircut. The guy takes ages over the consultation, takes ages over the cut itself, makes sure everything is perfect before putting away his scissors.
Because he looks the part, he gets treated like it. He brings to the hairdressers an image of a man who knows what he wants and expects to get it. Who understands what proper service is and won’t stand for it if he doesn’t get it.
How to Make Sure You get a Bad Haircut
The other day Hendry went to get a haircut at the weekend. It was the same hairdressers, the same guy cutting his hair. But this time it was Hendry’s day off. Because he’d been to the gym, he was wearing scuffed trainers and a tracksuit. His hair was wet and plastered to his face from the shower and he was carrying an old gym bag with his dirty kit.
Remember that this is the same man, going to the same place, paying the same money for (supposedly) the same service.
I’m sure you can guess the punch line to this story. Hendry didn’t get anywhere near the level or service. No sir may I take your coat. No would sir like a coffee. A short consultation. A hairdresser who wasn’t really concentrating and who kept stopping the cut to greet clients at the door and chat to his staff.
What This Has to Do with Attracting Women
Most people only have limited energy, charm and attention. They can’t give everyone maximum effort: they have to give most people next to nothing, and a chosen few the full works. So they have to discriminate. They have to figure out who’s deserving. And they have to make a decision within a few seconds.
The lesson from Hendry’s story is that people will take their cues from the way you look. Before they know how to treat you, they will see how you expect to be treated. And a big part of that is the way you dress.
If you walk in somewhere looking the part, you get treated like it. If you look like a superstar, you get treated like a superstar. If you look like you expect superstar treatment, you get it.
With online dating this is especially pronounced. The girl knows nothing about you really. All she’s had to go on until now is your online dating profile and a few online dating messages. She’s got to make her mind up within seconds if you’re worth the superstar treatment. And all she has to go on, at first, is the way you look.
How to Look Great on Online Dates
Now “the way you look” actually has very little to do with your genetics. It’s not really related to what you look like naked. It’s all to do with the way you dress and the way you carry yourself.
Looking the part doesn’t mean spending thousands on a suit (though it wouldn’t hurt). It doesn’t mean following the latest fashion. And it doesn’t mean dressing like an idiot to attract attention (do they still call it peacocking?).
Looking the part simply means dressing and carrying yourself like you think you deserve to be taken seriously. If you turn up to an online dating date with scuffed shoes and a stain on your shirt, what’s the girl going to do? She’s going to assume you don’t take yourself seriously and that you don’t deserve to be taken seriously.
For some great tips on developing an unique, attractive style, check out our fashion tips for men. But, in the meantime:
1. Develop a strong, integrated image (whatever image you go for)
2. Make sure your clothes are clean and well-fitting
3. Hold you head high and walk into a place like you own it