Image courtesy of Len-K-A
Online Dating Dilemmas
It’s not that easy to find good online dating tips for men. People will tell you how to make a good profiles or send a funny message, but they forget that online dating often throws up tricky situations. Girls on dating sites will constantly test you, behave erratically and set up situations that are tricky to navigate. There’s no way that I can cover every eventuality, but here are some of the most common online dating dilemmas and how to best handle them.
In Part 1, I explained how to handle some stock responses to your online dating first message: what to do if she asks you out straight away, she doesn’t reply or if she replies after a long delay.
Here in Part 2 I’ll discuss what to do it she asks you to call her before she agrees to a date, she tells you that you are good-looking or she is non-committal to your date suggestion. As always, all examples are from real messages from online dating conversations that Fitz and I have had. Only the names have been changed.
Online Dating Dilemma 1 – She Asks You To Call Her
Some girls won’t want to meet you until they’ve heard your voice on the phone. This is actually less common than you might think- only around one in ten girls that you actually date will need a phone conversation before they agree. Here’s an example from one of Fitz’s conversations. He had asked the girl his standard “vetting” questions and then asked her out for a hot chocolate:
Girl: If you’d like to give me a call I can vet you in return and, if you achieve more than a borderline pass, I may agree to this hot chocolate action. Here’s my number **** *** ***
Now here you can do one of two things. You lose nothing by just giving her a call. Keep it short, don’t reference that you’re calling because she asked you to and don’t try to arrange the date on that call. Just have a quick chat, then say that you’ve got stuff to do and say goodbye. If you really don’t fancy giving her a call (maybe it feels like she’s been the one calling the shots) you can use a bit of humour:
You: Your number has been saved. I would call you straight off the bat, but I get very nervous around girls and my throat goes all tight when I have to talk to them on the phone, so I think I’ll start off with a text.
Fitz sent a text about something unrelated to the phoning issue and was soon off and running:
Girl: Ha ha. Anyway, how’s your throat coping with a text?
Fitz: Well my hands (thumbs?) are shaking a bit but I’m ok. What fun stuff are you up to this evening x
Online Dating Dilemma 2 – She Says You’re Good-Looking
Sometimes girls will tell you that you are good-looking. Here’s what not to say. The first answer is too coy and the second is too cocky.
Answer 1: Oh no not really! Oh you’ve made me embarrassed!
Answer 2: Well thank you. That’s what most people say.
The best thing to do is agree and exaggerate, so it’s obvious you’re not taking it too seriously:
You: Yes I’m not surprised you say that. I was actually asked to be the face of Tommy Hilfiger but my internet dating commitments meant I had to say no to Tommy, thanks for thinking of me etc
Online Dating Dilemma 3 – She’s Non-Committal
Sometimes girls will neither agree to your date suggestion nor turn it down. It’s really frustrating when this happens:
You: Wonder Woman, let’s have cocktails Thursday evening. 7 or 8 good for you?
Girl: Hmm. Not so sure about cocktails, might be playing netball that evening.
You’re only move here is to sit tight and wait. If you chase her, you’ll look needy: “Well look I need to know either way so are you coming or not?” This sort of message will have her running a mile. Just wait. Ideally she’ll realise that you’re not going to chase her after such a half-hearted answer, and she’ll send another message saying that she can make it.
Sometimes you might have to wait until the time of the date and beyond. Don’t crack. Don’t turn up. Just let the evening come and go. If she really can’t be bothered to confirm or not then she’s not worth pursuing anyway.
