Sex Advice from a Retired Call Girl

Image courtesy of Dream Twist

I’ve got something very special for you today: an interview with retired call girl Maggie McNeill. Trust me – you’re going to learn more about sex, women and how to treat them in this article than you will from a thousand men’s magazines.

I first became aware of Maggie a few years ago from her fabulous blog The Honest Courtesan, full of advice, stories and hyper-intelligent political commentary. Maggie was a call girl in New Orleans for a few years and writes with total frankness and zero affectation about her life and experiences in the world’s oldest profession.

I’ve been meaning to interview Maggie for a while now. Her articles on men and sex and relationships are totally lacking in prudishness and are always a great read. I knew she was the one person I could trust to give totally honest sex advice on this blog.

The interview is split into two parts. Today I’ll ask Maggie for advice on some common sexual issues. Tomorrow we’ll get some tips on some specific sexual situations, and discuss the role of confidence in sex and sexual attraction. Enjoy.

Interview with Maggie McNeill Part 1

Alex: What advice would you give to one of our readers who had never had sex before, and who was going to have sex with a girl for the first time?

Maggie: Interestingly, I find that most men start with good instincts in bed; most of the virgins I’ve initiated were both competent and considerate. Since virgins know they’re inexperienced, they’re careful and attentive, like a warrior behind enemy lines.

But some men, once they have been with women a few times, begin to assume that they know all there is to know, and that all women will react like the ones they’ve already bedded. But that’s simply not true; every woman is different.

I’ve actually had clients that seemed to get annoyed or even angry that I didn’t react the way I was “supposed to” when they employed their pet technique, but that’s silly; women are not machines, and not only are we different from one another but also change with our moods and hormones.

The best advice I can give any man, virgin or Casanova, about making love to a woman is: pay attention to her reactions, and do more of whatever she seems to like and less of whatever she seems to dislike or have no reaction to. In the long run, you can’t go wrong with that.

Alex: Guys worry a lot about penis size. Is it really an issue?

Maggie: The two things guys worry about the most, but that really aren’t nearly as big as deal as they imagine, are penis size and lack of “staying power”.

Absolutely, there are some women who want a really big cock, just like there are some men who want really big tits. But there are also guys who like medium size or small tits or care about other factors a lot more, and that’s true of women as well.

I know an escort who won’t see men more than six inches long, and lots of girls just don’t care one way or the other. I’d say if your penis is bigger than your thumb you won’t have trouble finding a girl who’ll be happy with it, and even if you’re smaller than that you’ll STILL be able to find a girl who prefers mouth and fingers to being “screwed into the mattress”.

Alex: How about “staying power”? Does it matter how long a guy can go for?

Maggie: I honestly think that the “staying power” issue mostly derives from a difference in the way men and women use words. To the average man, “sex” means “intercourse”, and everything else is just extras. But for the average woman, “sex” is the whole show.

So when a man hears a woman say she wants sex to take a long time, he thinks she means she wants to be shagged for forty-five minutes. But what she actually means is that she wants to kiss for a while, then touch and caress, then some foreplay, then intercourse, then holding and snuggling.

In other words she doesn’t mean a long time from penis entering vagina to penis leaving vagina; she means a long time from couple entering bedroom to couple leaving bedroom.

I once did an informal poll of friends and co-workers, about thirty women in all; I asked what they considered the perfect length of time for actual intercourse. The answers I got ranged mostly from three or four minutes to ten minutes; a couple said one or two minutes, and one single girl said twenty minutes, but I must point out that she was an actual masochist (she liked pain).

If it takes you at least five minutes to climax and your lady is “warmed up” first, 90% of the female population will be quite satisfied with your “staying power”.

Alex: So is premature ejaculation not a problem?

Maggie: True premature ejaculation can be an issue, but men and women often have very different ideas of what “premature” is. A premature ejaculator goes off before entry or immediately afterward; climaxing after five minutes of pumping is NOT “premature”.

In fact, failure to ejaculate at all is a much bigger issue; since men nearly always orgasm from sex a woman tends to feel rejected when a man doesn’t, or else she thinks she did something wrong or that he doesn’t find her attractive.

I’ve actually encountered guys who masturbated before seeing a woman so they don’t “come too fast”, then they can’t at all; that is NOT good. For most women, a man coming too quickly is infinitely preferable to his not coming at all.

Alex: Is there a sexual issue that really is a big deal for girls, that guys don’t worry about enough?

Maggie: That’s a tough one; the answer is yes and no. The only universal issue I can think of is that a lot of guys think sex is over when the man climaxes, and for a woman that simply isn’t true.

The vast majority of women like to be held after sex, so if you just roll over and fall asleep after, or even worse jump up and run to the bathroom to clean yourself, you’re going to leave the average woman feeling something like you would feel if she suddenly kicked you off of her thirty seconds before you came.

Now, Mother Nature has played a few little tricks on men and women, and one of them is our differing responses to orgasm; the hormones released in the process tend to make men sleepy but women wakeful. True, very energetic sex can overcome this in a woman so she’ll drop off as well, but typically she won’t.

Nobody is saying you have to fight sleep, but don’t roll away; pull her up to you and fall asleep with your arm around her, or spooned, or with your head against her, and most women will be perfectly happy.

That having been said, different women are different and any given individual girl may have some thing or another that’s a very big deal for her. A sexually confident woman will tell you if she has some such issue, but lots of girls are shy or hung up about talking about sex, so unfortunately you’ll just have to figure it out or gently extract the answer with clever conversation.

Alex: What are your top three sex dos and don’ts for guys?

Maggie: As general rules of thumb:

DO:

1. Pay attention to her individual responses rather than assuming all women react alike.
2. Remember that a woman’s most important sex organ is between her ears, not between her legs.
3. Remember that for women, the journey is more important than the destination.

DON’T

1. Forget that she’s a lot more delicately-built than you are, and you’ll hurt her if you are too rough (especially with your hands).
2. Try to turn intercourse into an endurance contest, because you’ll just make her sore and she won’t be impressed.
3. Be in a hurry. Take your time, both before and after.

Alex: Is it a huge problem if the guy can’t get an erection?

Maggie: Inability to get an erection is much the same as inability to orgasm; if you’re with a woman for the first time and can’t, a normal experienced woman will understand that you’re probably just nervous.

But in a standing relationship, impotence without a physical cause will almost certainly be interpreted as rejection if it persists for a long time.

Alex: How about if the guy can’t give the girl an orgasm?

Maggie: Inability to give the girl an orgasm on any particular occasion is not at all a big deal. For the typical man, orgasm is like scoring a goal in a sport: if he aims correctly and nothing blocks him, he’ll accomplish it every time.

But for the typical woman, orgasm is like hunting game: even if she and her lover do everything right, the quarry may behave too erratically to hit, and sometimes may not even show up at all! Some women (myself included) can’t even count on an orgasm when we masturbate, which I know is like science fiction for men!

Now, there are exceptions; I know women who orgasm at the drop of a skirt, and I’ve heard of castrating bitches who make men feel three inches tall if they can’t give them orgasms. But the great majority of women you’ll end up in bed with aren’t all that concerned if they can’t come on any given day; this is especially true because we can enjoy sex even if we don’t climax.

As I said in “DO” #3 above, for women the journey is more important than the destination.

*

In Part 2 of this interview I’ll get Maggie’s take on how to bring up sexual fantasies with your girl, how to initiate dirty talk, and what women really think about sexual confidence.