That age-old tale of the hair and the tortoise, where the eager bunny sprints off and is in the end beaten by the smart turtle? It works in the world of talking to women in bars too.
The truth is that if you’re not in a rush, you’re bound to notice more, be more relaxed and more in control.
How to be slow? Well, start by slowing your pace. Take everything down a notch. Saunter down the pavement, swing your hands slowly.
When you reach into your pocket, take an extra beat or two to get there, feel what’s in your pocket and take a breath before taking it out.
It’s pretty calming, and calms the people you move around as well.
Slow -> Calm
Next time you hear a loud noise, don’t whip your head around. Take a breath, finish what you’re doing, then turn. You can listen to what’s happening, take more in, before you react. In taking things slowly, you actually absorb more, give yourself more time to think, to process and to react better.
If you feel yourself rushing, start with your breath. Take deeper inhales, hold the air in longer, sip the air like a good whiskey. Take it in and the world with it. You might notice things you hadn’t before. Yoga’s a good way to practice the breathing (and to hang out with women in tight yoga pants) but really, focus on the breathing.
You can even try to blink more slowly. Hold your eyes closed for an extra millisecond, and use it to check in with how you’re feeling. Are you tense? Are you rushed? Relax your shoulders, be confident, take a deep breath.
Calm -> Confident
All this makes you more confident. It makes you more in tune with the world around you, makes you more in tune with how you act, and gives you more time to consider how you want to proceed.
When you’re talking to someone you’re interested in, moving slowly conveys control and self-assurance, and lets you really pay attention to what’s being said. As a consequence, what you say will be more useful, interesting, and engaging.
By speaking slowly, you command attention. It requires that those you are with slow their pace and listen to the pauses as well as the words. Your calm radiates. It’s powerful.
It’s the exact opposite of rushing. If you whizz through what you’re saying, it’s obvious that you don’t think it’s important, or you think that someone else won’t think it’s important. Speak slowly, act slowly, and people can’t help but pause and take notice.
Confident -> Powerful
The boss doesn’t speak quickly, because he knows that people are going to listen to him. He speaks slowly because he needs people to understand what he says so that things get done right.
That’s how you want women (and everyone else for that matter) to feel when you open your mouth. What you say is important. What you say is considered, because you’ve given yourself time to think about what you want to communicate.
When you’re talking to women in bars, be sure of what you want to say. Say it in such a relaxed and purposeful manner, and your audience will be captivated. You’ll feel better all round, and she’ll take notice.