Stay Calm around Hot Women

Confused man

Image courtesy of Iris Fogel

I came across an article in the Telegraph a while ago that I thought would make an interesting starting point for a blog post1 about getting nervous around women.

It was titled “Men Lose Their Minds Speaking To Pretty Women” – here’s the best bit:

Men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function than those who chat to someone they do not find attractive. Psychologists at Radboud University in The Netherlands carried out the study after one of them was so struck on impressing an attractive woman he had never met before, that he could not remember his address when she asked him where he lived.

The Limits Of Study

It got me thinking about how we go about trying to improve their conversation skills with women. Most guys STUDY conversation skills. They approach a conversation like an exam that can be prepared for: they learn strategies, read books and pay for advice.

The problem is that all this studying is done while feeling calm and comfortable. They master the strategies but the master them in an environment totally different to one in which they’ll need to use them.

The Telegraph article demonstrates why just reading about conversation (or attraction, or seduction) and then trying to hold it together in front of a beautiful woman is pointless.

When you feel nervous around women you simply don’t have the cognitive resources to access the body of knowledge you’ve so assiduously studied. Stress causes the body to divert blood and energy to the muscles and away from the digestive system and the cognitive functions of the brain.

This was, for hundreds of thousands of years, a highly-effective system. Stress usually meant physical danger, usually required us to run away or fight. We didn’t need to be able to think of a funny opening line or a witty comeback if we were running away from a sabre-toothed tiger. But when we’re talking to a woman we need those higher brain functions. Our body thinks we need to fight when we really need to calm down and relax.

You Know What To Say

We already know how to talk! We already know how to listen, how to react, how to communicate. We’ve been doing it our whole lives! We just need to remain comfortable enough that we don’t sabotage the skills we already have.

So the answer to problems in conversation with women is not more books or more discussion. You’ve GOT to desensitise yourself to the stress of talking to beautiful girls. You’ve got to feel nervous around women over and over until you don’t feel nervous any more.

There are two ways to do this. You can either go out and practise on your own. Or take some instruction. Just make sure that whatever program emphasises SIMULATION. You must learn these skills in a similar environment to the one in which you’re going to use them. Sitting in front of a guy with a blackboard is simply not going to get it done.

All our training courses have a heavy simulation component and are specifically designed to replicate the stresses of real-life approaches.

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