Approaching a Girl in the Street
I was working with a client yesterday on how to approach a girl in the street. It got me thinking about the excuses that guys make when they know deep down that they should approach her.
All students make excuses for why they shouldn’t approach that particular girl. It’s part and parcel of trying to persuade guys to approach girls. I’ve been coaching this stuff for two years now and I’ve heard every excuse under the sun:
She’s too far away… I don’t fancy her… I haven’t shaved… I’m wearing my glasses… She’s walking too quickly… Everyone will see me… I don’t feel like it… I’m frightened…
Now – excuses are never a good thing. But at least with these ones they focus on the guy and his feelings and limitations. They need to be avoided and countered and overcome, but they are understandable and not a long-term obstacle to getting better with women.
Don’t Make Excuses For Her
The guy I was working with yesterday was giving me the bad kind of excuses: excuses that try to anticipate how the girl is feeling or how the girl is going to react.
She looks busy… She looks like she’s waiting for someone… She’s listening to music… She’s got sunglasses on… She looks like she’s got a boyfriend… She looks like she doesn’t want to be bothered…
Now most coaches try to counter these excuses by contradicting them. She looks like she doesn’t want to be disturbed? “What girl wouldn’t want to be chatted up by you?” She looks busy? “No girl is too busy to be approached in a charming confident way!”
Well they’re wrong. And they’re going about it the wrong way. Some girls really don’t want to be disturbed. Some girls really are in too much of a hurry to talk to you. Some girls will have boyfriends. But, and here’s the crux of it, that’s her problem.
That’s Her Problem
Guys obsess over how to approach a girl; they should spend far more mental energy actually approaching them! If you want to talk to her, you want to talk to her. If you think she’s cute, then you can tell her. If she interests you, then you should start a conversation with her.
If she’s really too busy to talk, she can tell you. It’s not your job to anticipate every possible problem. Give the poor girl some credit! She’s quite capable of letting you know that she’s got a boyfriend. Don’t deny her the chance of meeting a cool new guy just because she looks like she might have to be somewhere in a hurry.
You know nothing about her situation and, the more girls you approach, the more you’ll realise that it’s basically impossible to anticipate how they’ll react anyway. I’ve had steely-eyed business-suited girls open up to me the minute I’ve said hello.
And I’ve had girls who look like they’re drifting through the city just waiting to be swept off their feet tell me they’re late for a meeting. With their boyfriends. All you have to worry about is this: does she look like someone you want to meet? The rest of it is her problem.