The J Curve and Getting Better with Women

The J Curve

Image courtesy of Alex

Ian Bremmer’s J Curve

A few years ago, an economist called Ian Bremmer wrote a book called The J Curve: A New Way to Understand Why Nations Rise and Fall. I have reproduced the central premise of Bremmer’s book in diagram form at the top of the article.

The x axis represents the openness (or freedom) of a society; the y axis represents the stability of the same society. Bremmer argument was that every society wants more stability and countries can achieve stability in two different ways.

“Failed States” lie to the left of the dip. Countries like North Korea and China (represented by the red circle) are quite stable- their crime rates are low and they avoid civil wars and political turmoil. But they are closed: they don’t allow competing political parties; they don’t have a free press or unfettered internet access; they don’t have elections.

Countries like the US and the UK (green circle) are both stable and open. They achieve stability while allowing criticism of the government and freedom of speech.

Countries have only indirect control of stability. They can only directly control their openness- so they can only choose to move forwards (right) or backwards (left) along the curve. By doing so they can affect their stability. Bearing this in mind, we can note a number of things:

1. Countries in the red circle will decrease their stability in the short-term if they open their societies.
2. The fastest way for the leader of a “Failed State” to create stability is to close the country.
3. The curve is higher on the far right than the far left, because states that open their societies eventually end up more stable than authoritarian regimes.
4. If you are to the left of the dip, things have to “get worse before they get better” if you want to end up on the far right.

The J Curve and Attracting Women

Ok enough geopolitics. Let’s apply this to get better with women. I have adapted Bremmer’s J Curve for this article:

1. Instead of COUNTRIES, my curve is about PEOPLE.
2. Instead of OPENNESS I have put EFFORT on the x axis.
3. Instead of STABILITY I have put COMFORT on the y axis.

I’m using effort specifically to mean how much effort you make to meet and attract beautiful women. I’m using comfort very broadly- not just the comfort of a lie in or a favourite pair of jeans. But also the comfort of knowing that you have done your best; the comfort of a great circle of friends; the comfort of the love of a beautiful woman. Just as the societies in Bremmer’s J Curve wanted to increase their stability, we all want to increase our comfort.

Now I am going to make an assumption that you are currently in the red circle when it comes to your success with women. You put in very little effort: you don’t approach that many women; you don’t push yourself; you don’t go out specifically to practise; you don’t approach women in unfamiliar situations.

But, then again, you have reasonable levels of comfort: you don’t face frequent rejection; you don’t have a lot of fear; you don’t have to face unknown situations- you stay in your comfort zone; nothing is scary.

Why You’re Not Making More Effort

Look again at the red circle on the second graph. The startling conclusion is that if you want MORE comfort in the short-term, the answer is LESS effort! You’re like the leaders of the failed states in Bremmer’s book. They are actually incentivised to reduce the openness of their countries- even though increasing freedom is the best bet in the long run.

If you reduce your effort, you’ll slide left and up the comfort curve. Less effort means less rejection and less fear and you’ll feel momentarily better. See a girl you like at the bar? If you don’t approach her you will feel more comfortable- just stay at the table with your mates arguing about why Wenger won’t buy a centre back or whatever. The reason you don’t make more effort isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s because, in the short-term, effort hurts.

The Problem with Staying in the Red Circle

If you’re in the red circle and you reduce your effort (or keep it the same) then you keep your comfort intact. But, once you’ve gone as far left as possible, your comfort maxes out half way up and can’t get any higher: you won’t get the girls you could; you won’t get the lifestyle you want; you miss out on the sex and the validation and the companionship of beautiful women.

All of this will contribute to an overall lack of comfort. There’s no comfort like the comfort of knowing that you have a great social circle and gorgeous women in your life. Man can never be truly comfortable unless he has the right women around him.

But these results lie in the top right hand quarter of the curve. And to get there you’ve got to more forwards. You’ve got to go through that dip of low comfort; your comfort will have to go down. Call it what you like: the pain barrier; The Dip; things have to get worse before they get better.

So what’s it to be? You have a decision to make. Head left along the curve. Make less effort for a quick fix of comfort. Feel better in the short-term but never hit the heights of women and sex and lifestyle that you’re capable of.

Or head right. Push through the short-term pain and emerge the other side with results you never thought possible. It will hurt. You’ll need help. But you’ll have no regrets. No deathbed recriminations. No what ifs or if onlys or I wonders. Fancy heading right? Come and train with us and we’ll get you there.

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